“In youth we learn; in age we understand.” Marie Ebner-Eschenbach Austrian Writer (1830-1916
The greatest aphrodisiac of all is the IMAGINATION.
When I observe my women friends I can usually tell those who have survived and thrived many years of physical and sexual togetherness with a loving partner. Such women positively bloom with happiness and invariably look years younger than they are. It would appear that regular sex does make complexions glow, and enjoying a loving sexual relationship gives a woman an air of confidence in the knowledge that she is still physical attractive and desired by her man. This feeling can motivate many women into leading a healthy active life and encourage her to maintain her health and looks. She aims to continue enjoying good sex with her regular partner to their mutual benefit, and for as long as possible.
It’s interesting to note that Dr Weeks study found the benefits derived from good sex applied to women in long-term relationships, but were not obvious in women who had numerous casual affairs. Sadly many women I meet who are in and out of unsatisfactory relationships all too often look careworn and older than they are. I am reminded of Dr Ruth Westheimer who refers to a Jewish teaching, which is so relevant to second time relationships. She says that when you start the new relationship you bring not two, but four heads to the bed! Both the present and the past relationship. Is it any wonder that second, third or even fourth time around can proves to be so difficult to achieve harmony!
Marj Thoburn, head of practice consultantancy at the marriage guidance organisation Relate reports that research shows that older couples of 50+ are romantic and enjoy good sex. She says “Men and women in this age group have more time and freedom than any previous generation – and they are not going to spend it babysitting the grandchildren” Many of today’s older people were babyboomers who experienced the sexual liberation of the 60’s and good sex has become an important component in this generations lifestyle. The 60’s open approach to sexuality couldn’t be in greater contrast to that of young people in the 40’s and 50’s who couldn’t freely talk about sex or indeed indulge in sexual practise before marriage for fear of an unwanted pregnancy and it’s accompanying disgrace. It must be very difficult for young people today who have total sexual freedom, to possibly conceive the attitudes to sex just 4 decades ago.
Marj Thoburn comments on those couples who consult Relate for sexual advice today. “Ten years ago, we were certainly not seeing as many older people wanting to celebrate their sexuality” It would appear that from Relate’s studies that older people of 50 –70 years of age, still crave the intimacy of a satisfying and loving relationship as they did when they were 30. She adds “The older you are, the more likely you are to have the skills and understanding it takes to make a relationship fulfilling.”
The growing number of single people in the 50+-age group plays a significant part in these revelations. Widows, widowers, spinsters, bachelors, divorced persons and those who have split up from their partners are increasing daily. There are many second marriages of people in their 50’s 60’s and sometimes 70’s, most of who seek the intimacy of a loving and physical relationship. The increase of sex enhancing drugs such as Viagra and HRT will surely add impact to these numbers and push the age limit of sexual expectation up significantly. Whatever his age, there may be no holding a good man down, and if women get their wicked ways it could be the men complaining of headaches in the immediate future!
One interesting aspect of older sexuality is the allure that some mature women exude and which attracts a particular sort of younger man. Young women of his generation as yet do not possess the power of an experienced woman and he finds it exciting. She too may have been young and vulnerable once upon a time but now she knows how to use her power to great effect. She derives satisfaction from using her sexual authority to teach her younger Lothario how to woo a woman, whilst at the same time making sure that uninhibited by constraints and conventions of her own generation, she is free to explore her own sexuality and sensuality. It could be said that women are at their sexual peak in their 40’s and 50’s. Some newly single women find themselves finally free from restrictions of relationships that stunted their sexual growth, many feel life is passing them by and they want to experiment before it’s too late. These women have limited sexual experience; they are not looking for love but are curious and want their freedom as well as some fun. Many young men “testosterone on legs” adore the confidence, humour and wit of an older confident woman, and conversely she thrills at his response to the power she employs over him. It would appear that recreational sex is almost exclusively the preserve of the older woman, maybe like it was for older men with younger girls in previous generations.
Why is it that so many young people think sex is their preserve? They appear to still have an outdated view of older people, and a preconceived notion that anyone over the age of 50 is past it. They think that mature people do not, or cannot indulge in sex but how wrong they are! I suppose there was a time when our own generation thought that after about 30 years of age our personal sexual prowess could decline, and it would probably finish by the time we were fortyish!
Some young people today seem to waste the best aspects of sex. Many from their early teens cheapen it with their casual sexual attitude, and by the emphasis they put on self-satisfaction. They boast about making “love” and their many conquests. But many don’t make love at all; they only indulge in sex. Many of them are so busy trying out sexual techniques or thrilling to the latest sexual turn-on, that they miss out on the real thing – love.
Whatever happened to true love, the caring and sharing of one for another, in body, mind and soul? Where in their casual relationships is the fun of innocent flirting, sensuality and the tenderness true lovers feel when they give of themselves completely, one to the other, putting their partner’s needs and desires before their own? What happened to loyalty and trust, and lovers who respect and protect their partners? We mature people have had many years of perfecting loving techniques and as sensitive lovers we should be aware of our partners needs.
So now it’s time to put the record straight, once and for all. Many older people still do indulge in regular and passionate sex; with partners they love and care for. They thoroughly enjoy sex, and intend to continue making love to one another for as long as they possibly can. And that is likely to be for many more years, and to a greater age, than the young would ever believe it to be.